Unrequited
by xXbaka-usagiXx
Summary: Allen has a problem. He's attracted to Lavi. His feelings don’t matter anyway, as Lavi, a Bookman's apprentice, has no heart. Kanda's making things even more complicated. New title, used to be Supposedly Heartless. One-sided Laven & one-sided Yullen.
1. In too deep

**Heartless:**

**A/N: **Hi! This is my first attempt at a fic, so I'm taking wild stabs in the dark! Yay! I don't think this sucks, but others might. Either way, feedback is appreciated, but flames will be scoffed at.

**Summary: **Allen is confused. Ever since he met Lavi, he's had a strong pull towards the other man. Almost like…an attraction. His feelings don't matter anyway, because Lavi, as a proper Bookman's apprentice, has no heart. Or at least, he's not supposed to.

**Warnings: **(mild) boy x boy love. Laven. (very mild) cursing.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own –Man. Obviously.

**Chapter 1: In too deep**

The long train thundered by, whipping up fallen leaves and whisking them into the air, only for them to be caught by gravity and dragged back down to the dirt. Inside one of the train's compartments, a white haired teen with a black exorcists' cloak draped over him sighed dejectedly.

_Its sad how well those leaves describe me._

I, Allen Walker, supposed Destroyer of Time, was feeling, much like the leaves, like I was being dragged back down after a brief high. The reason for my high was sitting next to me, looking for the entire world like he knew no sadness while he pestered the Japanese exorcist, Kanda. Lavi.

"Yu-chan! Whats your favorite color?" Lavi asked in a childish voice.

"Che. Don't have one. Now stop asking these stupid questions." was Kanda's answer. Their exchange made me smile.

It took me forever to accept it. Many times I argued with myself (and one mortifying time with Lenalee), trying to convince myself that I wasn't attracted to my red-haired fellow exorcist. But I was. It wasn't even his physical attributes (though I never tired of looking at him).

There was just something about him, his smile, his demeanor, I don't know, that never failed to cheer me up. I relished in his attention and craved for our regular 'arguments'. This information, recently dug out of my minds' deepest hidden desires, made me feel light as air. Then, heavy as a rock.

Lavi was a bookman's apprentice. He made no attachments and liked no one. He was here to record history, nothing else. Not to fraternize with a stupid "bean sprout" as most liked to call me (yeah, thanks so much Kanda). I tried to push these depressing thoughts out of my head.

It didn't really work. Oh well, I'll try to at least act happy, not like I—

"Hey! Stupid bean sprout! Pay attention, we're almost there. You're daydreaming like a girl or something."

My thoughts were interrupted by none other then Kanda.

"Well, at least I don't look like one!" I shot back, annoyed.

"WHAT did you just say, damn Bean Sprout?!" he growled. There was a telltale hiss as Mugen was drawn.

"I'm sorry, could you not understand what I meant with your lack of brain cells? You. Look. Like. A. Girl." I was grinning like a maniac as I said this. Kanda lunged, but was brought to an abrupt halt by Lavi. Gah, just looking at his perfectly sculpted face and amused emerald eye sends shivers down my spine.

"Hey, hey. Yu-chan, you shouldn't kill Allen." I beamed. "Until I have a camera or somethin'~!" Lavi finished, smiling cheekily. I scowled and cuffed him over the head. "Oww…Allen," he whined, "I was kidding!" I showed no signs of relenting.

"Forgive me! Pleeeeese!!" he begged. I kept my scowl. Then he started pouting.

My resistance crumbled.

A light blush covered my cheeks as I swallowed nervously. He looked so damn cute when he did that! "S-sure Lavi." I stuttered. The cheeky grin covered his face again.

"I knew you couldn't be mad at me! It's cause you love me, right! Or is it just my dashing good looks?" his visible eye sparkled with merriment. I gaped like a fish. I quickly clapped my mouth shut and looked away nervously. "No, neither. Of course not." I muttered, blushing even more and fiddling with my fingers nervously.

Lavi blinked and cocked his head. Hell, even Kanda looked at me suspiciously.

"Che. Bean Sprout, Rabbit, were almost at our stop so quit being stupid, even though that would be a great feat." Oh thank god for Kanda. All attention was off me. "Oh, and don't call me 'Yu-chan', stupid Rabbit, or you might suddenly find Mugen buried in your side one day. Bean Sprout, I'll definitely spill your blood later for the girl comment." Yes, thank god, if only Kanda wasn't such a prick.

I collapsed under the weight of my depression. Lavi would always just kid about things like that. Love. Attraction. He'll never take them seriously, because, to him, it never would be serious. He'd never return my affections.

Then it hit me.

I just had to be saved from an awkward social situation with Lavi by Kanda.

I was in way too deep.

**A/N:** This is probably just gonna be a few chapters. I'm not really sure yet. Anyway, sorry 'bout the shortness, I have to work on that. There's not gonna be any hardcore yaoi stuff. Only fluffyness. Rated T because I'm paraniod :D.


	2. Confrontations

**A/N: **OMG I didn't die. :D Anyways, this fic originally had no driving force (in all honesty, I just sat down one day and was like 'ok lets write a fic') but I discovered one! Yay! Thanks very much to **ritachi **for the kind criticism, ** . **for the confidence booster, and of course my other lovely reviewers~! I'm going to rename this fic and change the summary at some point, because I'm taking a completely different direction then originally. Anyway:

**Warnings: **boy x boy love, cursing

**Disclaimer:** Blah blah blah, don't own -Man, yada yada, etc.

* * *

Chapter 2: Confrontations

_I do wonder why Kanda helped me yesterday_, I mused as I watched said exorcist shout at the conductor, trying to convince him to go on a suicide mission. I struggled to keep a polite smile crafted on my face while Lavi seemed to struggle to keep his eyes from rolling.

"I don't CARE how fucking 'risky' it is! I want that train-with us on it-moving NOW! I don't have time to wait!" Kanda all but roared, a few anxious locals swarming around him, attempting to find a way to calm him down.

This was obviously a town fond of exorcists, seeing as townspeople had been subtly stopping by to sneak a peak at us, and the conductor personally informed us of our current predicament.

Apparently, after getting off the train in this small yet bustling town, some odd accidents had happened in the mountains surrounding us, collapsing some of the train's tunnels. Being in a valley (near Sweden, I believe), we were stuck.

"Yu-chan," Lavi started, trying (vainly) to be the voice of reason, "We can't do anythin'-and neither can they so stop trying to kill them- to get out of here. Let's just wait it out, ne?

Lavi gave the sword-wielding exorcist some sort of look, and Kanda relented- I'm sorry, what?

"I'm sorry, what?" I echoed my thoughts, at a loss. Kanda merely gave the conductor a chilling glare and spat, "Fine," as if the word burned his mouth. "And don't call me Yu-chan," he added, gritting his teeth.

What was this mysterious power Lavi held over Kanda?

"Wha-?"

But alas, I was interrupted when Lavi grabbed both of our arms (which Kanda promptly yanked back) and dragged us toward the town square, declaring that if we couldn't look for innocence, we could at least enjoy ourselves a little.

His words made no sense; at least, the 'we' part didn't. Soon after taking us to the center of town (in which Kanda grumbled and we ignored him), he suddenly slipped off in a different direction.

"Um, excuse me, Lavi?" I asked, raising a white eyebrow, "Where exactly are you going?"

"Oh I thought I'd split off for a bit," he answered cryptically, smiling and blinking- oh wait that was supposed to be a wink. "Uh…" I said unintelligently as Lavi did as he said he would and 'split off.'

Naturally this hurt me, but it didn't as much as it usually would. I had to confront Kanda on some things.

Thinking about this, I completely missed Lavi's other wink/blink, this time directed at Kanda as the latter scowled.

"Well, Moyashi?" he asked, addressing me for the first time today.

"Kanda I need to talk to you about something." I blurted. He scoffed, but he then said "Whatever."

We walked for a few more minutes, Kanda seeming to become steadily more impatient while I debated about how to bring this up.

"Che. You wanted to talk, stupid, but now you're just being dumb," he finally said. I couldn't tell if he was referring to my silence or just calling me an idiot, so I let it slide.

Throwing caution to the wind, and while praying Mugen wouldn't find a new white-haired hilt today, I merely asked, "Why did you save me."

"…?" he seemed to say, so I elaborated. "Yesterday, when Lavi…insinuated things…a-and I…" I trailed off, steadily turning red. I was really unsure of how to phrase this.

Kanda's eyes narrowed, and the swordsmen replied, "Tch. I didn't save you. You were being pathetic. Besides, what would I save you from, Beansprout?"

Well shoot. I thought he knew.

"You …didn't save me? Then what were you doing?" I was really confused now. Was Kanda really just oblivious at the time, inadvertently interrupting us?

_"Che. Bean Sprout, Rabbit, were almost at our stop so quit being stupid, even though that would be a great feat."_

Well, the insults were there, but Kanda usually didn't care what we did. He made it a point to ignore us.

"Tch," he began as he usually did, "you looked like you were going to die or something, I…helped or some shit." He finished, as he usually didn't, embarrassed and admitting to helping someone.

My eyes widened. "So you _did _save me, Kanda." I grinned triumphantly at earning a vestige of humanity out of the currently glaring exorcist. "Well thanks," I offered, still a little shocked but with twinkling eyes at Kanda's impulsive kindness.

Then I found myself pushed against a wall, in an alleyway I didn't realize we were standing in, with Kanda's lips pressed against mine. He started pulling on my lip somewhat roughly with his teeth, asking for entrance. His arms snaked around my waist, and I lost all movement as my brain scrambled to catch up to the situation.

No.

No. No. _No._

_What's going on! Kanda's—WHAT!? _ I finally regained control of my body and firmly pushed him off, trying to regain speaking abilities.

I didn't. Instead I stared at him in shock, my mouth agape, and my eyes huge.

"I love you, godammit." He panted.

Then I realized it. I wasn't confronting him. He was confronting me, about his _love_ for me.

Well shoot. That was a problem.

Then, while blushing furiously, I realized something else. It suddenly clicked. Lavi's sudden power is explained.

"Kanda…" my voice a tad shaky, "you-I-what?"

"What do you mean 'you-I-what' idiot? I. Love. You. And apparently you don't." at this he turned his face away, though I didn't know it, he was hiding a blush he had kept control over the past few minutes.

"You told Lavi." I explained.

He blinked and turned to face me again, glaring haughtily at me. "Why the hell do think he's been so goddamn annoying the past few days. Acting like a fucking 5 year old trying to _annoy_ me into telling you, sending me 'meaningful glances' tch," he trailed off, seeming to be talking to himself, muttering things like 'I'll tell the idiot when I want to, stupid rabbit, but now I have,' his face turned evil-looking at this, 'I will get revenge…'

_He was acting like a 5 year old? _I really hadn't noticed anything different. _But,_ I thought wryly, glancing at Kanda, _I seem to be universally unobservant lately. _Now for the moment of truth. I could barely contain my excitement and tautness, knocking Kanda out of whatever fantasy he was having about killing Lavi, "What did he say??"

"Huh?" Kanda asked, clearly confused about me asking about Lavi rather then his sudden confession. God, this will hurt him, but I've got to know.

"Lavi," I said, noting my voice changed a bit as I invoked his name. "What did he say when you told him of your…feelings for me." I bit my lip, worrying my teeth into the soft flesh.

Suddenly Kanda's face turned bitter, as the discovery of my love was made clear by the anxious expression on my face.

"Well?" I tried again, leaning forward in anticipation. Would Lavi be jealous or worried? Did he take it as a joke?

Kanda turned on his heel and left, leaving me gaping. No! I had to know his feelings! I sprinted to catch up with Kanda, grabbed his shoulder, and started pleading.

"Please Kanda, just tell me…I'm sorry," God I hated begging. I continued to degrade myself for a few more minutes until he gave in.

"He fuckin' cheered us on!" he finally snapped. What?

"He…"

"The stupid rabbit just WOULDN'T SHUT UP about how 'happy' he was! 'Yu-chan, that's so wonderful~!' 'Yu-chan, I'm rootin' for ya!'" He stopped at this point to admire his admittedly good impression of Lavi and pointedly look at me to get his point across when he suddenly trailed off. I could guess why.

I was making probably the most dejected face Kanda had ever seen. The black-haired exorcist suddenly let out a huff of air and slid down a wall, rubbing at his temples. I sat down cross-legged in front of him and tried to collect myself. Lavi was _happy _that Kanda…loved me (it was still difficult to even think that). He was on Kanda's side; he wanted Kanda to win me over. He wanted me to love Kanda. He…didn't love me.

Just as I was thinking this, the subject of my desire-and mental pity party- was there, smiling as if he assumed Kanda and I had just had a great time and weren't both in our own personal huge, vacuuming, black holes of angst. As he saw us, sitting across from each other, my blush (and perhaps Kanda's) not yet faded, my lips abused slightly, and my hair a bit mussed, he said possibly the most unhelpful thing I've ever heard anyone say in my entire life.

"So Yu-chan, Moyashi-chan," he wiggled his eyebrows at this point, "how's the sex?"

* * *

**A/N: **Poor Allen, he just found out Lavi didn't have any feelings for him, and he has to deal with Kanda too…

Yes, this chapter has a completely different tone than the previous tone, but I like it a lot better. Yes again, Lavi isn't as childish as he seemed, he was just annoying dear Yu-chan into confronting Allen (which actually is pretty childish in itself). R&R is appreciated~!


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